I know I don’t have a large following on here, so I doubt many people have been wondering where I’ve been. But for the few of you who have, I’m back!

My last blog was posted on 18/11/2023 and it was a part one (sorry if you actually read that and were interested in part two). Since then, a lot has happened in my life and I am going to give you a brief rundown of what that is.

I got a job!

That’s right, folks, I now work. I actually started a blog about my job and the journey I took to get it last April but I never completed it. For those who don’t know, I am a Civil Servant. I work for the Department for Work and Pensions, AKA the DWP. Now, for my longtime followers, that may come as a bit of a surprise. Many of my older posts are, in fact, about my personal battle with the DWP. Luckily, most of those are on my old sites and are pretty hard to find without direct links – seeing as I’m supposed to be neutral and all.

I won’t tell you specifically what I do for two reasons: 1. health and safety and 2. I don’t want to bore you, especially as my mum is the most likely person to read this and she has to hear it every night, not just from me but my dad too. Yup, I’m a nepo-Civil Servant. Instead, I’ll focus on the process and what it’s been like transitioning into employment.

Starting work at the age of 28 as someone with disabilities

It’s not been an easy transition. Until the start of this year, work had pretty much taken over my life. I would wake up, log on, work, log off and sleep (or try to). I had no sense of work/life balance. My office is at least a 70-minute commute away, which may not seem like a long distance. But for someone on powerful meds, with very disturbed sleep, energy is hard to come by even when working from home. I’m lucky that my role is hybrid and I have a very understanding team leader who doesn’t push me to attend the office more than I can.

The change was made more complicated by the fact that, early on, I had some issues with a colleague. I won’t say any more than that due to liability and whatnot but those who know me know the story. After that, it took me a long time to trust my teammates again. I became isolated. Eating lunch alone at my desk and doing my best to avoid certain people in the office. In a way, it felt like school all over again.

Burnout and recovery

In March of this year, the stress of working for the first time, combined with the additional stress mentioned above, led me to take sick leave. I was written off work for 4 weeks due to depression and burnout. One amazing thing came of this time, which I’ll discuss in the next section. But overall, it made me realise that I wasn’t ready to work full-time. I returned after my 4 weeks and reduced my hours from 37 to 28 per week, working only 4 days a week, taking Wednesday off as a way to recover and recuperate.

I’m hoping to start a less intense role soon. And that this will enable me to return to full-time work, allowing me to earn enough to finally move out.

As I said previously, my line manager is great. I’ve got additional sick days in place, so my seizures don’t count against me and other reasonable adjustments too. We have regular catch-ups and I’m now making an effort to let her know when I’m feeling overwhelmed.

I think at the start of this, I was so desperate to prove all my doubters wrong that I just kept pushing even when I knew I was at my limit. I fear this is common amongst people with hidden disabilities. Every time I fail, I see my old headteacher again or hear the neurologist telling my mum and me that I’d never work full-time. It’s like I carry this extra weight everywhere I go but no one else can see it.

I’m coming to the end of a long break from work (by choice this time) and am actually looking forward to getting back in the saddle. I have a good feeling about the next few months and am looking forward to seeing what they bring.

I have a boyfriend!

Yes, that’s right, folks. The one good thing to come from my time off work back in March was that I met Sam. Now, I haven’t actually asked his permission to write about him, so I’ll be careful what I say. But I genuinely don’t believe I’d have been able to return to work as quickly as I did without him. Almost instantly, he made me feel like I was capable of anything.

We’ve been together for 28 weeks. Which is the entirety of an NFL season, or the amount of time it takes for a baby rabbit to be born. And they have possibly been the busiest and best 28 weeks of my life. Admittedly, it’s been another transition. Going from having zero social life to having someone who actually wants to see me regularly has been a lot. But I wouldn’t want to burn out my social battery with anyone else.

At the end of September, we went to his sister’s wedding in Sicily together. And although the weekend was intense and perhaps a bit too much for both of us, watching him from the other side of the ceremony, I could really feel that one day that would be us. We’re hoping to move in together early next year, which is why I’m eager to return to full-time work. And I really don’t see a future that doesn’t have him in it.

How we met

For those wondering, we were set up. It’s quite long-winded but his sister-in-law is best friends with my brother-in-law’s best man’s wife. She is a lovely woman who first mentioned Sam to me last year. At the time, I was unsure, mainly because he is a Spurs supporter. But also because it felt like she was matching us just because we are both autistic. I didn’t want to be someone’s social experiment. But a year later, she still had the idea in her head. And this time, my sister was very insistent. So to shut her up, I said, ‘Yes.’ And even if it does mean admitting my sister was right, I’m very glad I did.

On our first date, we instantly bonded over our shared love for our respective niblings, as well as our mutual experiences of trauma in school. We quickly developed our own little motto, ‘we’ll work it out’. And despite supporting rival teams, we can always talk about football if we run out of other things to discuss.

We both laid out boundaries to start and agreed to take it slow. But feelings don’t hold a time limit and within a month, we were official. It wasn’t much long after that he said ‘I love you’ and only a few weeks before I said it back. I’ve never felt that way about anyone before.

I’m feeling soppy now, so I’ll move on to the next section.

I’m 30!

Yes, I have entered a whole new decade since I last wrote a blog. At the start of the year, it felt like a significant weight. I didn’t feel as if I matched up to what a 30-year-old should be. I’d been working for less than a year, still lived at home and was single. Luckily, Sam dealt with the exact same doubt a year before I met him and was able to reassure me in ways that no one else could.

I chose not to do anything massive for my birthday but instead to spend it with those I love most. We went out for lunch and then came back home for tea and cake with my grandma. Sam took me to the theatre the night before. And three weeks later, I had a small party at my sister’s flat.

Because yes, I wasn’t just feeling insecure about living at home. But about being the only one still living at home. I know it isn’t normal for two 24-year-olds to purchase a two-bed flat in London and I’m now ok with my baby sister living all on her own – well, with her boyfriend. But at the time, it was quite a hard pill to swallow and I’m an expert on pill swallowing.

New decade, new room

I’ve since moved back upstairs into my childhood bedroom. I’ve re-decorated it and gained some respect from said sister, who was surprised at what a good job I did (insert eye-rolling emoji). I have more space now, so I’ve got a sewing corner – yes, that’s another new thing since I wrote two years ago. And I’m closer to my parents, meaning when I have seizures, they are more likely to hear me and don’t have to come sprinting down the stairs in the dark.

All in all, being 30 hasn’t been so bad so far. And I’m looking forward to seeing what happens in the next nine months. I think this might just be my best year yet.

Conclusion

So, thank you for reading all of that gobbledygook. I know it was a long one. But a lot can happen in two years. I’m hoping to make this a regular thing again. And as I promised two years ago, there’ll be a wider range of topics. But if there’s anything about my life that you want to hear more about, feel free to drop a comment in the comment section below. If you do comment, please do so on this post and not whatever platform you see it on (it helps with techy stuff). And as always, if you haven’t already, make sure you subscribe; the form is just down below (slightly off to the side).